Playing Head Games

Breakups are almost always painful.

They also tend to end with each partner trying to get the upper hand and prove that he or she isn’t the one who destroyed the relationship. This creates a mess of he said/she said situations, ever-growing tensions, and an environment where the core issues get lost under all the head games going on.

A head game, by its very nature, is an act of deception. It’s a dishonest effort to gain an advantage over your partner.

The problem is that you can get so wrapped up in trying to prove your position that you don’t even realize you’re playing head games with your partner. So you have to be willing to step back and take an honest look at yourself and your actions. Are you being upfront with your partner?  Are you trying to solve relationship issues or is it more important that you’re right? Is your goal to save the relationship or is it to be the winner after the breakup? Or are you secretly trying to hurt your partner?

Sometimes asking these questions will bring up answers that are a little unnerving, but it’s important to thoroughly understand your own motives and goals as you go through difficult times in a relationship. What kind of a person are you?

Broken Trust – How To Stop A Divorce

Broken trust is one of the most common factors in leading a relationship to divorce. So if you’re wondering how to stop a divorce, most likely you’ll want to first address the broken trust in the relationship.

If the unfaithfulness is on your part, you need to change your behavior if you want to prevent your divorce. It doesn’t hurt to apologize and accept responsibility, but apologizing isn’t enough. You’ve lost the trust of your spouse. It can take months, even years to regain that trust.

If it was your spouse who was the cause of the broken trust, you need to decide if you’re willing to forgive the infidelity. If you are, then you need to determine what your spouse will need to do to regain your trust. Infidelity does not have to result in a divorce. There is hope … if both parties are willing to work at the marriage.

And don’t be afraid to seek out professional help. It’s not uncommon to experience depression when going through a situation of broken trust.

Property Exchange

You’ve broken up. You aren’t really sure it’s the right thing to do. In fact, you’d prefer to stay together and try to work things out. But for now, the relationship appears over.

Even if you hope to make again eventually and rebuild the relationship, after the break up, try a property exchange. Give back the personal belongings, the special books, the homemade items, the pictures, all the things that remind you of your ex. If it’s a gift you received, box it up for now. You don’t want anything around the house to remind you of your ex.

If there are any money issues, get them resolved. You want to eliminate – in a calm, rational manner – all the items that have presented themselves as problems between you. Once this is accomplished, mutually agree to discontinue communications for the next thirty days. You’ll each have your own space and time to disengage from the relationship.

You do this because the best way to rebuild a relationship is to first step back from it and give yourself a time for proper perspective.

Getting It All Out

One of the first things you can do after breaking up with your boyfriend is to sit down and write a long letter to him pouring out your heart.  Get it all out.  Get it all down on paper.  Write about how wonderful the good times were.  Write about how terrible the bad times were.  Call him an idiot if you’d like, or even stronger names if that makes you feel better.  Don’t leave anything out.  Write all your emotions into the letter. Don’t stop until you’re exhausted.

How’s that?

Feel better?

Great!  Now take your letter, crumple it up and burn it (or flush it). Do <b>not</b> mail it. Dispose of it.

This is a powerful way of getting over the hump and starting to feel better after a break up.

Try it. You’ll be happy you did.

Taking Steps To Get Your Girl Back

You’ve broken up, and it seems impossible to think about anything except how to get your girl back. The blunt truth is this: you’ll probably have to make some changes.

But first, you have take an honest look at what happened. Was it something you did (or perhaps didn’t) do? Was it something you can still fix, or is it too late now to fix?

If you feel you can still fix it, then you need to do so. Apologize. Make amends.

This in itself may not get your girl back, but it’s an important first step to getting her back eventually.

Now that you’ve moved past what caused the break up, the next step to get your girl back is to make her want you back. This should sound like common sense, but too many people simply don’t do it. So, if the relationship ended with her angry, then it’s time to show her that side of you that makes her happy. It’s not going to happy instantaneously, you’ll have to be patient. And while you’re being patient, be on your best behavior when you’re in contact with her.

Show her that pleasant side of your personality that she enjoys. Remind her of your good qualities. Make her feel the happiness she felt when she first fell in love with you.

When she feels you’re truly apologetic and willing to change, and she sees that sweet side of you again, that’s when you’ll have the best chance to get your girl back.

Stop Divorce And Save Your Relationship

Here’s the challenge: in order to stop divorce, both parties have to be willing to give the relationship another try. Unfortunately, this isn’t always possible. However, a divorce can be stopped at virtually any stage — before it’s filed or even as late as just before the final paperwork. So that presents the relationship with many opportunities to recover.

No matter when it happens in the process, however, you must both agree before you can stop a divorce. Intuitively, you already know this. You know that in order to save your relationship and stop your divorce, you have to convince your spouse to join you in your desire to stop it.

The best way to do this is not to beg or plead. When you beg to get back together, your spouse is far more likely to resist. Instead, it’s to your advantage to behave pleasantly, without trying to force your will on your spouse. If and when your spouse is open for discussion, be honest. Explain that you really want to avoid the divorce and rebuild the relationship. Explain this calmly and evenly, without hysterics, without accusations, and your chances for success will be much improved.

Avoiding A Love Break Up

A love break up is almost always painful. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. But a breakup can be beneficial if you pay attention. For example, it’s much easier to see the warning signs. This can be particularly helpful in potentially getting back together again sometime down the road.

So what are some typical warning signs that a love break up is on the horizon?

One sure sign is the lack of physical contact. By physical contact, I’m referring not only to sex, but also to those little intimacies such as kissing and cuddling, holding hands and appreciating the presence of your partner. If your partner suddenly stops putting his arm over your shoulder, or you stop suddenly stop giving him a peck on the cheek as leaves for work, these are warning signs of trouble in the relationship.

A second sign to be on the watch for is lying. Catching your partner in a lie, even a small and harmless one, is often a sign of bigger problems.

So look back on your relationship and look for the signs that you might have overlooked. Do this without looking for fault, but looking for an understanding of what went wrong. Maybe next time you can catch it early and work through the problem before it becomes insurmountable.